sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
