He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
