i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
