the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
