also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
