Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
