the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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