I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
