According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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