new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
