He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
