i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize