grandma shit on top of the toilet
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I party with great urgency now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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