READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
farters have to be the big spoon...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
