sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize