i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
