Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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