Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
