"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
