This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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