You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
