I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
