um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
