I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
