sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The air was thick with penises
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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