Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
