Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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