I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
