To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
