My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
