They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i think im in europe. pls send help
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
