i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
