I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize