I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
