i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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