Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
