Porn is love you can see.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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