I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize