So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
