My hand turned me down
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
