Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize