The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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