saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
