Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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