Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're a waste of cheezeits
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
