Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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