im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
