i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
