Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
