She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Actions speak louder than pants.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
