My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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