i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
