they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
