rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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