i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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