no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
