My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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