I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
