i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize