The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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