fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
