is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
as a side note pls kill me
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