I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Alive.
So much puke
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
