i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
