We won't sleep together?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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