You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
