hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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