I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
