I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
