you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
