Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just tell him i said nine months
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
