i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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