i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
